Au revoir, KDU !

Yupp... I'm done with my finals and all.
No more college for me.
It's weird ...
Not having my conscience making me feel guilty when I'm having too much fun - not having to go home and finish up shits or hit 'em books.
And it's weird to have so much free time now.
It's weird to know I'll be so liberated from all these academic shits for a few months.
And yes, the fact that there's no more spending most of my time in college + extra willing hours there.
I'm so not use to these kinda changes
... and its only been 2 days since I last went to college.
Its the thought of the long run which is weird.

The slut is back.

MonkeyRat got back on the 15th - in the midst of my exam
...
How convenient.
But it's all good.
Good to have him back.

Nocturnal and narcoleptic.

I've been so sleepy these days.
Ok fine that's not narcolepsy at all but it just sounds catchier.
Been sleeping at around 5ish a.m or 7ish a.m.

Lepak-ing.

Good God I suck at pool to the max.
When Stefan got back, we went out that night and bla bla bla.
Played pool there and I totally suck and I'm not exaggerating.

After my last (external) paper, went out with 'em friends to The Curve.
Bla bla bla.
OU with another bunch.
Then Ampang look-out point around midnight.
I love the look-out point.
The city lights are so pretty.

Lately, I'm barely alone.
And on most days, I'm hanging out with at least 2 different group of friends
... which is nice.
Like today...
Mani+pedi with Sashya (who's been practically living in my house for the past week) at Colour Culture, BV2.
The place is OK lah.
They're not that good.
I suggest you go find another nail parlour.
Then met up with ...
LEROY !
Yupp.. that hilarious hybrid is back !
Hanged out with a bunch ex and current HELP peeps.
Then MV/The Gardens with Nadz.
And dinner was indo mee burger + telur mata with Boobies, Sashya and Aizyl.
Afterwards, lepaked at my place.

Kantoi !

Pop confronted me last night.
They figured out their daughter's a smoker.
Damnit.
So I promised to quit completely *snap* just like that.
Sucks but ... I'll be holding on to that promise.

Skinny bitch NOT.

Since I've been detained during the exam period and restrained from pole, I am so unfit.
Anyhoots.
Got back to pole dancing classes last week.
I don't see how my arms are getting bulkier but my strength is shite.
Damnit.

The fictional world.

That slut has got me hooked up to that TV series, How I Met Your Mother.
It's hilarious.
I love Barney.
He's AWESOME.

And last Monday, a bunch of us chilled at Kim's place and we watched 300, Se7en and Blood Diamonds in her damn chun home theatre.
All of which, are brilliant movies (yes, i picked em).
Watching 300  gets me all excited and pumped up.

Ayer ?!

First of all, I can't bloody stand that bleeding song.
It's so fucking annoying.
But what's even more unfortunate is the fact that the song stays stuck in your head for like FOREVER and gets you singing it oh-so-poyoishly.
And I just found out that "ayer" means "air".
Yes, a bit slow I know...
But ...
WHAT THE FUCK WEIH ?!
That's poyoness to the next level already !!!

. . . . . .

Frankly, all I wanna do know is watch How I Met Your Mother now.
So go away.

Pssst !

Yes, there are pictures but its all in the camera and I feel damn malas  to load it 'cos my computer's not back from the damn shop and this laptop does not have my usual applications.
Plus, I'm damn eeeewww in pictures now.
Damnit.

These voices in my head are pulling me in all directions
Anxiety.
Confusion.
I don’t know what to do.
Nothing.
I do nothing.
In this whirlwind of chaos in my head, I stand still.
I am calm, or am I?
Feeling so down but I don’t hit rock bottom.
I’m floating in a concoction of emotions so mixed even I can’t tell one feeling from another.
I can’t feel just happy.
Neither can I feel just sad.
I don’t know what to feel anymore.
I am not empty.
There are just too many holes.
Voids.
And even I don’t know what used to fill it.
I don’t know whether this hurts.
There are no tears.
Strangely, I wish I was on one side or another.
But I’m standing in between of everything.
Maybe it’s the price of living in denial.
My conscience, instincts and emotions – they’re all enemies.
One thing opposes another.
This doesn’t hurt.
But it’s eating me up from the inside.

Mood swings.
Ugh.
Indecisiveness.
How damn annoying.
Controller, make up your damn mind.

Finals are next week.
And although I didn’t do so well for my trials (lots of “B”s-but-almost ”A”s – nevertheless not friggin “A”s), I’m still not getting the kick I need to just focus and fuckin study like fuck.
ADD, I tell ya.

Parents are coming back from Paris tomorrow morning.
No, I didn’t quietly go clubbing while they were gone…
No, I didn’t go get another tattoo also…
And I didn’t probably 90% of the things they told me not to do before leaving.
Wow.
Budak baik to the maksima weih !
I guess I’ll be more grounded with them around.
No more driving here and there to lepak with this and that for a bit.
Speaking ‘bout driving …
I got into a minor accident last week and the day it happened marked exactly 1 week of my driving license.
Ha ha ha.
Shaddup, it’s not funny.

Sorry if this sucks and is beyond boring.
I’m just feeling so fucking … damnit I don’t know.
I’ll you what though…
My head feels so heavy.
There’s been this raging chaos in my mind and I can’t make up what it’s made of.
Yet, I feel so empty.
So damn empty.
Nobody’s to be blamed for it but I just feel this way.
And I’ve been feeling so disappointed with everybody including myself.
I feel so disconnected from everybody even if we’re having a good time.
Emotional detachment maybe.
Damn.
What a shitty lonely feeling this is.

Here's some recent pictures to lighten things up a bit . . .

Boobies & I in our colour coordinated punjabi suits for an aunt's open house.

Raimi, Singha, Steffi & Kim on the way to KDU's Halloween event.

Nicola, Steffi & Nadz for midnight supper @ Delicious on Halloween night.

Kitty & Bunny lepaking at my place 'til late.

Bob trying to look intimidating with my mask and knives.

Pooks&Chibs.